I've just finished writing the eBook "After The Breakup" for our "Relationships" section.  In a couple of the forums I'm a member of, the most heartfelt queries you see include "How do I start again?" "When does the hurt go away?"  It was the ongoing multitude of similar queries about breakups with partners, husbands, or best friends that eventually prompted me to write the book.

And it's sad to realize just how many people are on this journey; trying to put their lives back together.  The ones I have the most respect for are those who say they really tried to save the relationship; believe they did everything they could, and determine that they're going to be a better person for the experience; they're going to learn from it and improve.

Emotions can dominate our actions and reactions, even though we don't want that to happen sometimes. Society often sees emotions as a sign of weakness. So we're used to trying to put those emotions aside and focusing on being rational.

No matter how logical you may be, you will always have feelings. One way or another, someone or something will get through you.

Having positive emotions are a lifelong goal for those of us concerned about emotional health and self improvement. But there is no clear way to totally ignoring a negative experience and replacing it with a positive one. Life just doesn't work that way.

What if you could work towards mending that experience? 

An argument with your partner the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, and your mind will wander. You'll know that you haven't given of your best today.   On the way home from work you won't notice that the sun is shining and you'd probably not be tempted to stop at a roadside stand to pick up some fresh fruit that you know your partner loves. All this because that one negative experience has contaminated the way you perceive the reality around you.

Finding a safe place to relax your mind will do wonders for your emotional and mental state. That place is relatively easy to find. It can be an actual place or an imaginary location.

Stop on the way home from work… at your local park. Somewhere green. I know you think you don't have the time. Just give it a shot. We're only talking ten or twenty minutes. Get caught up in your surroundings. The trees, shrubs, flowers. Hopefully a big blue sky. Your mind will drift away from the negative thoughts that have dominated your day.

Can't stop off right now? Alright… head home. A safe haven can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person or animal. The main thing is allow yourself to get completely involved with this new activity.

You might still get flashes of the problem every now and then. Ignore it and get even more absorbed in what you are doing.

When the walk, the song, or the movie ends you will return to reality. You will return from your safe zone with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and have gained confidence. You will see that any issue can be resolved. Ready to go and talk it through with the person you love?

That small escape from a harsh reality can increase your emotional and mental health. Try todo this often, for any major problem, and you'll be on your way to self improvement.

 

And if you need some help with repairing your relationship right now, there's "Would You Like To Be Newlyweds Again?" in the "Relationship" section.  Haven't we all needed some help along the way?

 

"When you feel good about yourself,

others will feel good about you, too". 
~Jake Steinfeld

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